Paralyzed

I woke up today thinking that this was a good day to die. I'm in so much pain right now, and I'm not just talking about emotional pain but physical pain too. Damn, my shoulders are killing me (really it is).

I'm tired of living, I feel that I have already lived my life to the fullest and there is nothing else that excites me....

I don't want to move on... I'm paralyzed, I feel that I have nowhere else to go but here and now... I have no future...

What is to look forward in the future anyway? I have so much love to give but no one loves me back...

Oh no, I'm in my depressed mode again... but I'll be out of this sooner or later...

Anyway, I was really shocked last Wednesday because I was Spiritually empty and I really searched for God. Hmm... It only proves that we do indeed need to have faith so that we would be in a state of being ultimately concerned and all our other concerns would just follow... Hmm... I'm quoting the Philosophy of Paul Tillich where faith provides us a center so that we would be integrated or in other words so that we don't fall apart...


I'm really bored...